Fat Old Fart (weekly bulletin)

89.5 ! What a great result, under 90 kilos for the first time in years. For the first week I managed to reduce my alcohol intake on 4days, albeit by only 25% but combined with not eating in a restaurant it seems to have worked. The other 3 days I was the same loveable, old, greedy, self indulgent,week willed piss head!

I met another dog walker this morning, with a mad eyed,hyper active dog. I said "bonjour" and although French she replied in English. I find it so annoying that they recognise that I'm not French with just one word and switch to English when I'm trying desperately to learn French. It even happens on those rare occasions when the grandchildren drag me into MacDonald's, this slow grin spreads across their pimply adolescent faces and they say "Eat here or take-away!"

I think the instant recognition is due to the different pronunciation, French people seem to say "Bon jaw" with equal weight and length on the 2 syllables where we brits.must say "bon joooor". It is just so frustating.

No matter how I try I just can't seem to get to grips with this language. I've tried 3 or 4 recorded courses over the years and have also been on a language course over in Lourdes. Most of the other students were nuns, mainly Spanish speakers and although I ended up with a nice ornate certificate the course leader spoke Parisian type French. Although this is generally understood in this remote corner it's not a lot of help to me in trying to understand the local patois which sprinkles any conversation here.

I know the only way to learn is the "in at the deep end method!" and this time last year was a regular visitor to two French families. In both cases despite my entreaties to "pass by the house" neither reciprocated the visits. I used to pop into pass by both their houses at early lunch time, usually in time for a quick apero but the first familly said that time was a bit inconvienient why didn't I pass by the house at 5 o'clock or so. I didn't take up that suggestion as I've usually had a good drink at lunch time and don't like to drive in those circumstances. i'm my own worst enemy