SUCESS, I'VE LOST 2 KILOS! AMAZING!
And I re-weighed today to check it!
This is too good to be true as all I've achieved is to give up bread, cut down significantly on potatos and eat more veg. I'm making clear vegetable soup for lunch (no bread) and having more veg. at dinner instead of potato. I'm farting like a Methane Gas factory!
Still no real inroads on the alcohol side, although today I tried drinking lager, from wine glasses as my lunch time appero. so was able to substitute a small bottle of beer for a half bottle of wine.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Pulling Power
Last week I was back in the UK, attending my old firms annual reunion. The best bit was getting down the pub afterwards and meeting up with all the other contemporary Old Farts. Even better was, that whilst there, I pulled a bird !!
"The bird" was the young(ish) lady that organises all the office catering and it was a great feeling walking out of there and seeing the covert but envious glances that followed me. I could almost see some of them thinking, " he's lost none of that old pulling power from 40 odd years ago when, as a young blade, he was running amok in the typist pool".
The reality, that I'm not telling them, was that I was sitting near the end of a table when she came and sat next to me, nudged me in the ribs and whispered in my ear "You're coming home with me tonight!"
That proved to be the highlight of the evening, indeed the night! We duly arrived at her place, opened a bottle of white wine and repaired to the front room carpet for an orgy of snogging, groping and "you must listen to this " romantic music. These physical activities I am now little suited to by way of age and somewhat portly bearing and as a way of relieving my discomfort casually edged toward the sofa for lumbar support. As I writhed in a combination of sexual foreplay and acute discomfort I somehow managed to activate the foot-rest mode of the sofa. Every time I moved a great leather bound shelf shot out and rammed me in the kidneys,to add even more to my discomfort.
Later (it seemed MUCH later) she disappeared into the bathroom for several minutes and returned clad in neck to ankle black pyjamas, rather like a jogging suit. I didn't find this off-putting in the least as I had heard that horizontal jogging was, as well as being sexually satisfying, extremely beneficial to cardio-vascular health. We retired to the bedroom and to bed.
As I edged over to her side I looked down expecting to find myself in an advanced state of sexual excitement, but nothing! All I saw was a limp,flaccid little stump of flesh and felt not the slightest of stirrings in the loins. I desperately tried to think of an amusing explanation when she said " God I feel terrible! The rooms spinning and I feel sick!" SAVED!
I settled down for the night and soon fell asleep. Not for long because, in the dead of night, the duvet was throw back and a giant electric fan on the bedside table switch to full blast. Yes the dreaded hot flushes! I lay there, trying to get back to sleep, as though in a wind tunnel, with my finger nails dug deep into the mattress to save being blown off the bed. A bad night with three such attacks!
In the morning your correspondent made his excuses and left!!! (with apologies to the News of the World)
I've thought about this, my first sexual encounter since my wife died five years ago, a lot and edited in these thoughts. Senility in old farts is often called "second childhood", I don't feel I am that old but have come to the conclusion that I am in fact suffering from "second virgin-hood".
I AM A 68 YEAR OLD VIRGIN!
"The bird" was the young(ish) lady that organises all the office catering and it was a great feeling walking out of there and seeing the covert but envious glances that followed me. I could almost see some of them thinking, " he's lost none of that old pulling power from 40 odd years ago when, as a young blade, he was running amok in the typist pool".
The reality, that I'm not telling them, was that I was sitting near the end of a table when she came and sat next to me, nudged me in the ribs and whispered in my ear "You're coming home with me tonight!"
That proved to be the highlight of the evening, indeed the night! We duly arrived at her place, opened a bottle of white wine and repaired to the front room carpet for an orgy of snogging, groping and "you must listen to this " romantic music. These physical activities I am now little suited to by way of age and somewhat portly bearing and as a way of relieving my discomfort casually edged toward the sofa for lumbar support. As I writhed in a combination of sexual foreplay and acute discomfort I somehow managed to activate the foot-rest mode of the sofa. Every time I moved a great leather bound shelf shot out and rammed me in the kidneys,to add even more to my discomfort.
Later (it seemed MUCH later) she disappeared into the bathroom for several minutes and returned clad in neck to ankle black pyjamas, rather like a jogging suit. I didn't find this off-putting in the least as I had heard that horizontal jogging was, as well as being sexually satisfying, extremely beneficial to cardio-vascular health. We retired to the bedroom and to bed.
As I edged over to her side I looked down expecting to find myself in an advanced state of sexual excitement, but nothing! All I saw was a limp,flaccid little stump of flesh and felt not the slightest of stirrings in the loins. I desperately tried to think of an amusing explanation when she said " God I feel terrible! The rooms spinning and I feel sick!" SAVED!
I settled down for the night and soon fell asleep. Not for long because, in the dead of night, the duvet was throw back and a giant electric fan on the bedside table switch to full blast. Yes the dreaded hot flushes! I lay there, trying to get back to sleep, as though in a wind tunnel, with my finger nails dug deep into the mattress to save being blown off the bed. A bad night with three such attacks!
In the morning your correspondent made his excuses and left!!! (with apologies to the News of the World)
I've thought about this, my first sexual encounter since my wife died five years ago, a lot and edited in these thoughts. Senility in old farts is often called "second childhood", I don't feel I am that old but have come to the conclusion that I am in fact suffering from "second virgin-hood".
I AM A 68 YEAR OLD VIRGIN!
Fat Old Fart (weekly bulletin)
NO CHANGE
Only weak-willed self indulgent greed to report, WHY can't I leave the wine alone or even reduce it??????
At least my pathetic attempts at reducing my calorie intake have prevented any increase in my weight !
Only weak-willed self indulgent greed to report, WHY can't I leave the wine alone or even reduce it??????
At least my pathetic attempts at reducing my calorie intake have prevented any increase in my weight !
Thursday, January 10, 2008
The Nuclear Debate
On my way back from a short visit to the UK I note that the government have announced a new energy policy that includes an expansion of Nuclear powered electricity generation. As a long term supporter of CND and having watched the first Aldermarston march pass by nearly 50 years ago I feel adequately qualified to comment on this subject.
I also have the experience of living in a country which generates nearly 75% of its electricity from Nuclear power and like all the population have been made aware of the emergency procedures that would click into effect in the event of a "Nuclear Incident". This is an interesting phrase which I suppose is a coverall for Nuclear Accident through to Nuclear Terrorism!
These emergency procedures are based on the local town hall (accurately the Mayors Office) which is required to test the emergency siren once a month at a specific time. If this should go off in earnest, we are to make our way to the Town Hall, in specific order; mothers with young children, pregnant women and then adults. (Old Farts don't seem to get a mention here). A stock of anti-radiation tablets are held there.
Of course, in our village, the timing of a Nuclear Incident is fairly critical on account of the fact that the Town Hall is only open for 2 hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays
I also have the experience of living in a country which generates nearly 75% of its electricity from Nuclear power and like all the population have been made aware of the emergency procedures that would click into effect in the event of a "Nuclear Incident". This is an interesting phrase which I suppose is a coverall for Nuclear Accident through to Nuclear Terrorism!
These emergency procedures are based on the local town hall (accurately the Mayors Office) which is required to test the emergency siren once a month at a specific time. If this should go off in earnest, we are to make our way to the Town Hall, in specific order; mothers with young children, pregnant women and then adults. (Old Farts don't seem to get a mention here). A stock of anti-radiation tablets are held there.
Of course, in our village, the timing of a Nuclear Incident is fairly critical on account of the fact that the Town Hall is only open for 2 hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays
Friday, January 4, 2008
2008- The Great Flu Epidemic
Last Sunday I had used the excuse of pretend flu to avoid a New Years Eve Party and had been told on Monday that Jean-Claude wasn't well. A couple of days later I met him out walking the dog, or rather I heard him coughing, spluttering and wheezing long before I met him. He looked a terrible state eyes watering, nose running and as grey as an unwashed sheet.
He told me that his wife, if anything, was even worse than he and some of his family seemed to be going down with the same bug; the inference clearly was that Andrew had passed on his germs and was the source of the impending epidemic. Back home we got considerable amusement from the coincidence.
How often do our little fabrications catch up with us? What the Jolly Wheeze hadn't taken into account was that after the visitors had left he would want to return the borrowed heater, which he offered to do this morning! Non, Non I shouted, thinking if he comes round and sees Andrew prancing around like a young gazelle, he's going to be suspicious that we'd lied about going to the party. Now I'm in this dilemma as to how long Andrews flu can last.
In a quirk of poetic justice I've got the beginings of a runny nose and sore throat; am I going down with the germ they've got?
He told me that his wife, if anything, was even worse than he and some of his family seemed to be going down with the same bug; the inference clearly was that Andrew had passed on his germs and was the source of the impending epidemic. Back home we got considerable amusement from the coincidence.
How often do our little fabrications catch up with us? What the Jolly Wheeze hadn't taken into account was that after the visitors had left he would want to return the borrowed heater, which he offered to do this morning! Non, Non I shouted, thinking if he comes round and sees Andrew prancing around like a young gazelle, he's going to be suspicious that we'd lied about going to the party. Now I'm in this dilemma as to how long Andrews flu can last.
In a quirk of poetic justice I've got the beginings of a runny nose and sore throat; am I going down with the germ they've got?
Monday, December 31, 2007
New Years Eve
With Xmas over I can now turn my attention to " how not to celebrate the new year". As last week my only concession will be an increase in the quality and quantity of the food and wine consumed.
I had a close escape from attending a party night at a neighbours house, which having accepted in a moment of weakness, I then found that I had to concoct an elaborate subterfuge to evade it. They had asked to borrow a mobile heater, so the youngest boy and I had popped round to deliver it and take a post Xmas drink with them. The neighbours have all their children and grandchildren coming for the New Year, his from Spain and hers from Belgium and they were a bit upset to find the boy and I would be celebrating it on our own. So they invited us to join them
After we'd accepted we found out that not only were there no English speakers amongst the other guests but most of the Belgians and some of the Spanish didn't speak French either. My french is just not good enough to extract us from this situation without causing offence. So we withdrew to consider our options.
I came up with a "Jolly Wheeze" ( this is something dated back to my former work place, where if there was a problem it would usually be me that came up with the solution, which I would announce by saying "I've got this Jolly Wheeze"). The boy was to go down with the flu.
So I contrived to meet up with the neighbours yesterday when they were on their evening walk with their dog. I laid it on very thick about Andrew being ill, in bed all day with a high temperature, adding it was unlikely we would be able to make it tomorrow (today). I even made up a story that when taking his temperature I had realised that I was using the thermometer normally reserved for the DOG (and you know where they insert those!). When he found out he leaped out of bed,rushed to the bathroom and made prodigious use of the mouthwash; much laughter all round but a complete and utter fabrication.
I met her again this morning on her way to the shop and confirmed Andrew would not be fit enough and I couldn't, in all fairness, leave him alone tonight. She told me that Jean-Claude was still in bed and couldn't assist in the shopping as he had a terrible cold and fever.
Back home I repeated this to Andrew who said "Lying Bastard, he's just trying to get out of the shopping!"
I had a close escape from attending a party night at a neighbours house, which having accepted in a moment of weakness, I then found that I had to concoct an elaborate subterfuge to evade it. They had asked to borrow a mobile heater, so the youngest boy and I had popped round to deliver it and take a post Xmas drink with them. The neighbours have all their children and grandchildren coming for the New Year, his from Spain and hers from Belgium and they were a bit upset to find the boy and I would be celebrating it on our own. So they invited us to join them
After we'd accepted we found out that not only were there no English speakers amongst the other guests but most of the Belgians and some of the Spanish didn't speak French either. My french is just not good enough to extract us from this situation without causing offence. So we withdrew to consider our options.
I came up with a "Jolly Wheeze" ( this is something dated back to my former work place, where if there was a problem it would usually be me that came up with the solution, which I would announce by saying "I've got this Jolly Wheeze"). The boy was to go down with the flu.
So I contrived to meet up with the neighbours yesterday when they were on their evening walk with their dog. I laid it on very thick about Andrew being ill, in bed all day with a high temperature, adding it was unlikely we would be able to make it tomorrow (today). I even made up a story that when taking his temperature I had realised that I was using the thermometer normally reserved for the DOG (and you know where they insert those!). When he found out he leaped out of bed,rushed to the bathroom and made prodigious use of the mouthwash; much laughter all round but a complete and utter fabrication.
I met her again this morning on her way to the shop and confirmed Andrew would not be fit enough and I couldn't, in all fairness, leave him alone tonight. She told me that Jean-Claude was still in bed and couldn't assist in the shopping as he had a terrible cold and fever.
Back home I repeated this to Andrew who said "Lying Bastard, he's just trying to get out of the shopping!"
Thursday, December 20, 2007
FAT Old Fart (III)
It's about a week since I realised I must do something about my weight and general health and decided to do so by way of New Year resolution.
This last week I've been sort of practicing, the odd half bottle of wine in lieu of a full one, less potatoe,more veg and less bread. I've also established "Yard Arm Time", it relates to the time I start drinking. In my little world the (theorectical) Sun rises above the Yard Arm at 12.00 hours and that's the ealiest time I can start my lunch time appero! Similarily, in the evening it dips below the Yard Arm at 20.00 hours, at which time I take my evening one.
I did a weight check this morning and watched the dail slowly creak up to 95 kilos (again!), I wasn't REALLY expecting much change but non-the-less a little disappointing. I realise a little later that I had forgotten to empty my pockets and found that I had 3 euros and 75 cents in my one of my pockets.
This means that I have lost 3.75 euros in just one week and, what's more, if I keep this up I will have lost 195 euros in one year.
This last week I've been sort of practicing, the odd half bottle of wine in lieu of a full one, less potatoe,more veg and less bread. I've also established "Yard Arm Time", it relates to the time I start drinking. In my little world the (theorectical) Sun rises above the Yard Arm at 12.00 hours and that's the ealiest time I can start my lunch time appero! Similarily, in the evening it dips below the Yard Arm at 20.00 hours, at which time I take my evening one.
I did a weight check this morning and watched the dail slowly creak up to 95 kilos (again!), I wasn't REALLY expecting much change but non-the-less a little disappointing. I realise a little later that I had forgotten to empty my pockets and found that I had 3 euros and 75 cents in my one of my pockets.
This means that I have lost 3.75 euros in just one week and, what's more, if I keep this up I will have lost 195 euros in one year.
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